4 Months

Jillian is 4 months old today.  She is such a sweet & precious baby.

• She smiles at us all the time & "talks" & coos a lot.  
• She's learned to roll over from her tummy to her back.
• When she's on her tummy there's a lot less fussing because she's holding herself so well now.  You can tell she likes it because she's able to look around or if I give her a toy she can play with it.
• She's learning to reach out for things.  When she lays on her activity mat she grabs hold of some of the toys hanging down.
• Tomorrow is her 4 month well visit so I don't know her stats yet.  I do know that she's over 12 pounds though.  And so long!  She's been wearing 6 month clothes for a while now & already seems to be outgrowing the sleepers.  When she stretches her legs the sleeper isn't tight but definitely running out of room.  But other clothes like onsies are really lose.  So I think her length is all in her legs.  This she did not get from her momma!
• She's still sleeping in our room but will be moving to her room very soon.  We've had a busy month & I'd like to get us back in our old routine before I make the big switch.  She's been sleeping through the night for a while now so I know she's ready.  I don't think I am though.  I cried the first night we moved Shaylin out & I'm sure I'll do the same with Jillian.
• Although I don't intend to introduce solid foods to her for another 2 months, I'm going to start researching how I want to go about it.  I'm strongly considering skipping all the cereals altogether, or at least skip rice cereal.

With Jillian turning 4 months today it also makes me reflect on her birth, or more specifically my birth experience.  In some ways I feel like I shouldn't be too amazed that I did it all natural seeing how that's how it was done for hundreds of years.  But I am amazed!  I accomplished a goal that was very important to me. And it really has made me feel like a stronger person since coming out of it.  It's also given me such a passion for natural birth.  I read so many articles posted from some Facebook groups that I follow & just eat it up.  I don't know if God may someday have me to work in the birthing field but my interest in definitely peaked.

My Cleaning Schedule

Apparently my last post was my 100th post.  Woo hoo!

Going from 0 to 1 kid was tough.  Going from 1 to 2 is way harder.  It's taken me a long time to find a routine.  And really I'm still working on it.  Some mornings both girls wake up before 7.  Other mornings like today they both sleep till 8:30.  A lot of mornings Shaylin wakes up long before Jillian.  So that alone makes it difficult to find a good routine for us.

Sadly the more days we just stay home the better we seem to function.  Or maybe that's just me.  It's not easy when one child needs 2 naps a day & the other only 1.

I've been able to keep up with my running pretty well.  Hopefully Jillian can become more predictable soon so I can wake up, pump, run for 30 min. & shower all before she wakes.  Until then I'm squeezing it in when I can.  Today I had to wait till both girls were down for naps.  Not my favorite time to run but it's just how the day went.

Most important to me was finding a cleaning routine again.

Is it obvious yet that I thrive on routine?

I've always had a laundry routine & after Shaylin was born I slowly added a cleaning routine.  I thought I was going to be able to keep up with it during this last pregnancy but that goal quickly failed.  Oh well.  It's hard work growing a person!

It's been over 3 months since Jillian was born & at this point I pretty much got a good cleaning & laundry schedule.  Throw in running or working out & I have a full week.  Here's how my weeks typically look:

Monday:
- grocery shopping
- girls' laundry
- run

Tuesday:
- wash towels
- workout
- dust & vacuum

Wednesday:
- change sheets on all beds & wash dirty ones
- run

Thursday:
- sweep & mop kitchen & bathroom floors
- clean bathroom sinks, toilets, & showers
- workout

Friday:
- mine & Jeremy's laundry
- clean mirrors & sliding glass door
- dust & vacuum

On top of this, every morning I empty the dishwasher, after the girls go to bed I clean up the kitchen, make Jeremy's lunch for the next day, & every other day I wash Shaylin's cloth diapers.  I'm trying to actually vacuum more than twice a week since I have a constantly shedding dog.  And I'm trying to find one day a week where I do "projects" that I've been meaning to do, like file medical bills.

Sometimes on Saturdays I'm still working on laundry but usually it's just a matter of putting it away & doesn't take very long.  And of course I run on Saturdays, too.  But what I love about my cleaning schedule is it keeps me from having to do any of this stuff on Saturday or especially Sunday since that's the Lord's Day, not mine.

What's also great about keeping up this schedule is most activities don't take me that long because I do it every week.  I just never want to have a day where I'm doing load after load of laundry.

This certainly can't work for everyone.  And I don't always stick perfectly to it.  The crazy problem I have is if I miss a day, let's say Thursday's cleaning stuff, I won't do it the next day.  I'll wait a whole week so they will still be done on a Thursday.  Yes, I really am that crazy!

July 2

If I want to post a new status update on Facebook, before clicking on the box it asks "What's on your mind?".  Rather than posting it as a status, I'm writing a blog post.  

Today is July 2.  It has significance to me.  It's a due date of one of the precious babies we lost.

But the problem is that I can't remember which baby the due date belongs to.

And that bothers me.  A lot.

I really haven't retained all 6 due dates.  Or the dates that we lost each baby.  That's just a lot of information to keep in my head.  There are certain ones that I will never forget, like the day we learned we lost our first baby (May 2, 2007) or that baby's due date (December 21, 2007) or baby #3's due date (December 3, 2008) or baby #6's due date (September 9, 2009).  But the rest I have a rough idea.  And I've been ok with that.  So why am I so bothered that I can't for the life of me figure out if July 2 was baby #2's or baby #5's due date?!

I'm not beating myself about this & in the end I'll be ok.  I know I'm still a good mother & I'm only human.  It's just another reminder that no matter how many years go by or how many of my babies are born, the painful sting of miscarriage will always be there. 

Finally Adjusting

When we brought Jillian home we knew there was going to be an adjustment period, specifically for Shaylin. She's 2 so that already makes things interesting (side note: We don't use the term "terrible two's").  But for 26 months of her life she was an only child.  Now she was going to have to share our attention, especially mine.  And we've definitely had some rough days.

Her behavior changed a lot after Jillian was born.  That was hard to watch.  Shaylin would really try to push the limits.  Or not getting my attention would turn into near meltdowns.  I say near because we've always tried to stop them before they start.

One reason why I was at peace about holding off on potty training was because I could tell that she was still adjusting.  Getting a baby sister is a major life change so there was no need to add another one.

Lately I've seen a change in her though.  There's been less defiance, less attempted meltdowns, more immediate obedience, & more independent play.  Today we had to go to Walmart & it was the least stressful shopping trip with both girls that I've had yet.  She wasn't running up the aisles.  She was staying by my side or at least by the cart.  When looking through the kids' clothing section she wasn't hiding in the racks.  She was close by & looking at clothes with me.

Shaylin's also been extra helpful around the house.  We've always tried to encourage her to help, especially when she offers.  Sometimes it slows down what I'm doing or I have to re-do it.  But we never want to discourage that helpful spirit.  Today she helped pull laundry out of the dryer without me asking.  At one point I was going back for another armful & she wanted to beat me to the dryer so she could get more first.

Naptime isn't a huge ordeal like it used to be.  There are still days where she cries when I tell her it's naptime.    But she's not getting out of bed constantly & needing discipline.  She's going right to sleep.  Today she didn't even get upset about having to take a nap.  She went right into her bed without a tear!

The independent play has also gotten better & that's been especially helpful for me.  I love playing with her but I can't play with her every moment that I'm not taking care of Jillian.  I still have a house to clean, laundry to fold, & meals to make.  So if she can quietly play with her dollhouse or her farm & animal while I take care of some things then I can get those things done quickly & then get to play with her.

I'm getting into a good routine & adjusting as well, but that's for another post.

Slow & Steady

Tomorrow Jillian will be 13 weeks old.  That means I'll be 13 weeks post-partum.  And at 13 weeks I'm still working on losing the baby weight.

I know most women don't lose all the weight that quickly.  Most of the weight has come off.  Right now I'm 7 pounds away.  That's not too bad.  But it's gonna be a hard 7 pounds to lose.  Part of me isn't sure I can.  I was in the middle of training for a marathon when I got pregnant.  I certainly wasn't under weight but my metabolism isn't what it was in high school or college so getting to my desired weight takes a lot of work.

But I'm trying to not focus on the number on the scale.  What matters more is how I look in my non-maternity clothes & fitting into my jeans.  It's probably a good thing that our hot summer has hit because I have no desire to wear jeans now anyway.

It's my stomach that's gonna need the most work.  It's not terrible but I can't help but get discouraged.  Even though I'm 13 weeks post-partum I feel like I look 13 weeks pregnant.

And it doesn't help to hear of celebrities who had a baby & lost all the weight in a matter of weeks & are on magazine covers wearing bikinis showing off their perfectly trim bodies.  Yes, I realize these women have the money to hire dieticians & personal trainers & nannies to watch their babies.  And I bet most of those pictures are doctored.  But it's very discouraging to us normal moms.

There's a little bit of ab muscle forming in there & I know as I continue running & eventually add mileage that it'll get stronger.  It's just very frustrating that it's going so slowly.

My Laboring Playlist

In the post of Jillian's birth I said that I listened to music during most of my laboring.  The selection of songs were pulled from my original running playlist which was about 5 hours of music.  I narrowed it down to an hour & a half.  I've now decided to "reveal" my laboring playlist.  It wasn't some big secret.  Some might find it weird though.  But I don't care.  

I'll include comments on some of these to maybe explain why I run to them & maybe why I left it for labor.

"Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga - Ugh.  Ok, first one & I'm slightly embarrassed.  But when running it had the perfect rhythm so that's why I left it for laboring.  Just took me back to some good runs.

"Born to Run" by Bruce Springstein - Every runner should run to this song.

"Bring me to Life" by Evanesence - I like running to this one because I remember it in the movie Daredevil.  It was a pivitol moment in the movie.

"California Gurls" by Katy Perry - Just a good rhythm.  I actually like running to a lot of Katy Perry's songs.

"Christmas TV" by Slow Club - Not a very fast song but has a great build towards the end & is also just a special song to me & Jeremy.

"Curbside Prophet" by Jason Mraz - It was always one of my favorite songs to run to.

"Dog Days Are Over" by Florence & the Machine - The chorus says "Run fast for your mother. Run fast for your father. Run for your children, for your sister & your brother."  Enough said.

"Eye of the Tiger" - Um, it's from Rocky.  How can you not run to this song?!

"Fighter" by Christina Aguilera - When I reached the last .2 of my marathon this is what I listened.  So it's very special & I had to include while laboring.

"Fix You" by Coldplay - Great build in the song.

"Hearts on Fire" by John Cafferty - It was in the Rocky sequel when he was preparing to fight the Russian.

"Hero of the Day" by Metallica - The version I listen to is actually a live performance with Metallica & the San Francisco Orchestra.  It's another special song from a running memory.  It was a few years ago but I listened to it as I finished a 5 mile run, the longest I had ever gone at that point.

"Let's See How Far We've Come" by Matchbox 20 - Doesn't it seem like this should be played while the doctor or nurse is checking how many centimeters a laboring momma is?  Maybe it's just me.

"Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi - I should have listened to this when they said I was 5 cm.  You know?  "Ooooooh!  We're halfway there!"

"Lose Yourself" by Eminem - Love running to this & I felt like it helped get my mind off the contractions.

"Rule the World" by Take That - This song is at the end credits of the movie Stardust.  Love this song!

"Stolen" by Dashboard Confessional - Another song I just plain love, even though the rhythm isn't quite fast enough.  Plus, I kinda felt like this was what I'd sing to Jillian once I finally got to see her.  "You have stolen my heart."

"Stronger" by Britney Spears - The chorus says "And now I'm stronger than yesterday".  Always a boost during a run to know that I was stronger than the last time I ran.  And now while in labor I was stronger than the last time.

"Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry - Just more Katy Perry that I like.

"Under Pressure" by Queen - Kinda makes me laugh now that I included this for labor.

"We're not gonna take it anymore" by Twisted Sister - Just makes me wanna roar.

"You're the Best Around" from the Karate Kid - Who wouldn't want to hear this while running or when you've reached transition & feel like you're losing it?!

So there you have it.  This was just one of the ways that kept me strong.  My doula often said I was rocking it & I guess in a way I was!

Halfway through Couch to 5k

I've started week 5 of couch to 5k so I'm halfway through now.  Technically the program is 9 weeks long.  But the 9th week is just 30 minute runs.  So in my mind I'll be done after 8 weeks.

I didn't quite finish week 2 when I got sick from allergies.  Nothing terrible but enough that I didn't feel like running.  So I had to repeat that week.  No biggie because the 5k I want to do isn't till the end of Oct. so I've got lots of time.

I started the program setting the runs at a 10:00 pace.  This used to be a fast pace for me.  But now it was easy.  This has just shocked me.  Not only had I been on a 9 month hiatus, but I was on that hiatus because I was growing a baby!  If this is all because I walked & did yoga during the pregnancy, then I'm even more convinced of the benefits of exercise while pregnant.

So I bumped up the pace to 9:31.  Then that became too easy.  Crazy!  So now I'm at 9:13, which is 6.5 mph on the treadmill.  And now it feels like a workout!

I've been having some longer runs now so I don't intend to be increasing the pace anymore.  I'm actually wondering if I need to back off.

Yesterday all the runs were 5 minutes long.  Tomorrow I have a couple 8 minute runs.  But Saturday will be the big one.  After a 5 minute brisk walk warmup, I have to run for a solid 20 minutes!  I'm a little nervous since I'm kinda struggling with the 5 minute ones already.  But I'm gonna go for it.  I'm trying to remind myself that I once ran for almost 6 hours & I've birthed a baby drug-free.

If Saturday's run is too hard I'll either repeat the week as it is or I'll back off on the pace.  Even if I go back to a 9:31 pace it'll still be a fast enough pace to guarantee a sub-30 5k.  But I'm hoping to just keep going & be able to see that not only can the program make a runner out of anyone but also that it can make a faster runner out of an experienced runner.