Back to Reality

Yesterday was our first OB visit & we all went as a family.  Shaylin was absolutely precious, especially for waking up extra early.  She sweetly sat in her daddy's lap while I was being examined but once I could hold her she wanted me.

They had gotten my 2nd beta & progesterone counts back.  The first was 1,267 for the hcg level & 16.7 for the progesterone.  Both good numbers so we were pretty excited on Friday.  Well, my 2nd beta count was 2,017 & it got me worried.  It wasn't a full double like I was expecting.  I was expecting something over 2,500.  But my doctor assured me that it was good.  My progesterone was up to 34.something, which is thanks to the extra daily dose.

They drew lots of blood, checking stuff like my iron level & a whole bunch of other stuff.  The nurse missed the first time & hit a nerve.  Holy cow!  That hurt!  She got it the 2nd try in the other arm though.  I have very tiny veins so I try to be forgiving because I know I'm not an easy one.

Then we had a sonogram.  I wasn't sure if they were going to bother since at 5 weeks you really don't see much.  But I told them I'd feel better having one & I'll fight my insurance company if they raise stink about it.  With my history of miscarriage I'm sure it would be approved.

And just as I expected we didn't see much on the sonogram.  We saw the gestational sac, which is where the baby is.  And we saw the yolk sac, which will slowly shrink as the baby grows.  But being so early that's all we saw.  I was disappointed but not surprised.  Based on the measurements it actually has my due date moved back to April 3, instead of March 31st.  But this doesn't worry me because I know I ovulated 2 or 3 days later than "normal".  I always have.  So that means the baby is right on track!

Despite a good report, I still got worried.  A lot of it is just being back there again.  Even after all the good visits during my pregnancy with Shaylin, I still have this fear walking in that office.  And I feel bad because I LOVE my doctor.  But he's very understanding & even acknowledged that I will always have fears because of my history.  So it's nice to know he doesn't think I'm crazy.

I guess I just had a hard time being reminded of my reality, that I have a long history of miscarriages & that despite a completely normal & healthy pregnancy with Shaylin, the odds are still against me.  What also got me yesterday was during the nurses questions when we first got there she asked (for clarification) if this was my 8th pregnancy.  I cannot describe to you what that feeling is when I'm reminded of that.  So I'm not going to try.

Later I talked to my mom & she said from reading she did that your hcg levels actually have up to 72 hours to double.  That sounded familiar but it had been a long time since I'd read up on that.  So I searched around & confirmed what she said.  So as close as mine was it certainly would have doubled by 72 hours.  So that made me feel better.  And I just had to keep reminding myself that the sonogram, although it doesn't show a baby, shows that things are progressing as they should so far.

We go back on the 16th for another sonogram.  I will be 7 weeks at that point so we should definitely see more by then.  And then 2 weeks later we go back for our 2nd OB visit.  If he wants to do another sonogram then, I'm so ok with that!

The whole visit just reminded me that we have a long road ahead of us.  Everyday that goes by is a celebration.  But everyday I will be asking God for strength to get through it.