Monday, October 15, 2012

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today is a day set aside for all the mothers who've ever suffered the loss of a baby, whether it be during by miscarriage, still birth, or after birth.  No woman ever hopes to be a part of this day.

You can read about how the day was set aside by President Reagan here.  I've always liked Reagan & learning he was the one that made it an official day to remember just adds a whole lot more points.

Thing is, any mother can tell you that she doesn't need to have a day set aside to remember her loss(es) because she remembers  Or at least I do.

I don't cry about it everyday.  It's not the very first thought in my head each morning or the last thought when I go to bed.  But I can pretty confidently say that at some point & in some way every day I am reminded of what I've been through from losing 6 babies.

Miscarriage, to me, is a kind of journey.  There are good days & bad days.  And then there are really bad days.  I can look back & see when I was in some really bad days.

I don't see my journey being over just because I've been blessed with 2 precious girls.  I could still face another miscarriage in the future.  The odds aren't really in my favor.  But as I've said before, I'm so glad that those odds mean nothing to God.

I'm at a place now where I don't stress over how to explain how many babies I have.  I don't stress about where they are.  I choose to believe that they are in Heaven but really I have no proof of that (and I don't say that to upset anyone or start a debate; it's just what I believe).  I don't stress over who they are.  Which were boys & which were girls?  What are their names?  Some recommend to give names to miscarried babies.  I don't think my situation would work well with that.  Had I actually known the sex of any of those babies then we probably would have named them.  But not naming them doesn't mean they mean any less to me.

I've never done some sort of charm or ornament or anything that's meant to be in remembrance of each baby.  And I have no issue with anyone who's done that.  I would have a necklace or bracelet with 6 charms on it.  And sadly I know that I would possibly have to add more to it.  And I just can't stomach the thought of adding to it.  And again, I don't need something like that to remember them.  I've thought of someday, when we know we're done having babies, getting something that is some sort of "memorial".  Or really it would be for remembering that period of my life that God brought me through.

I think really what I would rather do is get a charm with the date June 5, 2009 inscribed on it.  That was the day that we got our first blood results back after learning we were pregnant for the 7th time & had incredibly high numbers.  That moment was one of the best moments because I had hope again.  So maybe that's what I'll do someday.  I'll have a charm made with that date & the word "hope" inscribed on it.

At 7:00 tonight everyone is supposed to light a candle in remembrance of babies lost.  Will I be doing that?  Probably not.  Call me a rebel I guess for not wanting to do something because I'm being told to do it.  I'm just going to focus on the precious blessings God has given me & continue to thank Him for those miracles & the hope that He gave me.  But again, this is just where I am on my journey.


  1. Mother's day is the hardest for me.

  2. Thanks for sharing--I had no idea there was even such a day! I have thought of you so very much since August 31st--I read your post about watching the Duggars show that day--and I ended up getting the first hints that this pregnancy wasn't going to be like my others. My miscarriage was confirmed with a u/s at the ER on 9.14. My nausea ended a couple of days before that--and both your post and perspective as well as what you shared about Michelle Duggar's response and emotions helped so immensely during that week of unknowns.
    I have four precious children at home, and though the miscarriage deepened our appreciation for the miracles God has done in giving them to us, having them doesn't really lessen the grief for this newest little one--only 10.5 weeks along, so no gender known or name picked--and yet the preparation that God provided over the years and specifically this fall has made my path relatively! I definitely don't savor the thought of experiencing another miscarriage and can't begin to imagine another five--so thank you for sharing about your journey on here!