My Cleaning Schedule

Apparently my last post was my 100th post.  Woo hoo!

Going from 0 to 1 kid was tough.  Going from 1 to 2 is way harder.  It's taken me a long time to find a routine.  And really I'm still working on it.  Some mornings both girls wake up before 7.  Other mornings like today they both sleep till 8:30.  A lot of mornings Shaylin wakes up long before Jillian.  So that alone makes it difficult to find a good routine for us.

Sadly the more days we just stay home the better we seem to function.  Or maybe that's just me.  It's not easy when one child needs 2 naps a day & the other only 1.

I've been able to keep up with my running pretty well.  Hopefully Jillian can become more predictable soon so I can wake up, pump, run for 30 min. & shower all before she wakes.  Until then I'm squeezing it in when I can.  Today I had to wait till both girls were down for naps.  Not my favorite time to run but it's just how the day went.

Most important to me was finding a cleaning routine again.

Is it obvious yet that I thrive on routine?

I've always had a laundry routine & after Shaylin was born I slowly added a cleaning routine.  I thought I was going to be able to keep up with it during this last pregnancy but that goal quickly failed.  Oh well.  It's hard work growing a person!

It's been over 3 months since Jillian was born & at this point I pretty much got a good cleaning & laundry schedule.  Throw in running or working out & I have a full week.  Here's how my weeks typically look:

Monday:
- grocery shopping
- girls' laundry
- run

Tuesday:
- wash towels
- workout
- dust & vacuum

Wednesday:
- change sheets on all beds & wash dirty ones
- run

Thursday:
- sweep & mop kitchen & bathroom floors
- clean bathroom sinks, toilets, & showers
- workout

Friday:
- mine & Jeremy's laundry
- clean mirrors & sliding glass door
- dust & vacuum

On top of this, every morning I empty the dishwasher, after the girls go to bed I clean up the kitchen, make Jeremy's lunch for the next day, & every other day I wash Shaylin's cloth diapers.  I'm trying to actually vacuum more than twice a week since I have a constantly shedding dog.  And I'm trying to find one day a week where I do "projects" that I've been meaning to do, like file medical bills.

Sometimes on Saturdays I'm still working on laundry but usually it's just a matter of putting it away & doesn't take very long.  And of course I run on Saturdays, too.  But what I love about my cleaning schedule is it keeps me from having to do any of this stuff on Saturday or especially Sunday since that's the Lord's Day, not mine.

What's also great about keeping up this schedule is most activities don't take me that long because I do it every week.  I just never want to have a day where I'm doing load after load of laundry.

This certainly can't work for everyone.  And I don't always stick perfectly to it.  The crazy problem I have is if I miss a day, let's say Thursday's cleaning stuff, I won't do it the next day.  I'll wait a whole week so they will still be done on a Thursday.  Yes, I really am that crazy!

July 2

If I want to post a new status update on Facebook, before clicking on the box it asks "What's on your mind?".  Rather than posting it as a status, I'm writing a blog post.  

Today is July 2.  It has significance to me.  It's a due date of one of the precious babies we lost.

But the problem is that I can't remember which baby the due date belongs to.

And that bothers me.  A lot.

I really haven't retained all 6 due dates.  Or the dates that we lost each baby.  That's just a lot of information to keep in my head.  There are certain ones that I will never forget, like the day we learned we lost our first baby (May 2, 2007) or that baby's due date (December 21, 2007) or baby #3's due date (December 3, 2008) or baby #6's due date (September 9, 2009).  But the rest I have a rough idea.  And I've been ok with that.  So why am I so bothered that I can't for the life of me figure out if July 2 was baby #2's or baby #5's due date?!

I'm not beating myself about this & in the end I'll be ok.  I know I'm still a good mother & I'm only human.  It's just another reminder that no matter how many years go by or how many of my babies are born, the painful sting of miscarriage will always be there. 

Finally Adjusting

When we brought Jillian home we knew there was going to be an adjustment period, specifically for Shaylin. She's 2 so that already makes things interesting (side note: We don't use the term "terrible two's").  But for 26 months of her life she was an only child.  Now she was going to have to share our attention, especially mine.  And we've definitely had some rough days.

Her behavior changed a lot after Jillian was born.  That was hard to watch.  Shaylin would really try to push the limits.  Or not getting my attention would turn into near meltdowns.  I say near because we've always tried to stop them before they start.

One reason why I was at peace about holding off on potty training was because I could tell that she was still adjusting.  Getting a baby sister is a major life change so there was no need to add another one.

Lately I've seen a change in her though.  There's been less defiance, less attempted meltdowns, more immediate obedience, & more independent play.  Today we had to go to Walmart & it was the least stressful shopping trip with both girls that I've had yet.  She wasn't running up the aisles.  She was staying by my side or at least by the cart.  When looking through the kids' clothing section she wasn't hiding in the racks.  She was close by & looking at clothes with me.

Shaylin's also been extra helpful around the house.  We've always tried to encourage her to help, especially when she offers.  Sometimes it slows down what I'm doing or I have to re-do it.  But we never want to discourage that helpful spirit.  Today she helped pull laundry out of the dryer without me asking.  At one point I was going back for another armful & she wanted to beat me to the dryer so she could get more first.

Naptime isn't a huge ordeal like it used to be.  There are still days where she cries when I tell her it's naptime.    But she's not getting out of bed constantly & needing discipline.  She's going right to sleep.  Today she didn't even get upset about having to take a nap.  She went right into her bed without a tear!

The independent play has also gotten better & that's been especially helpful for me.  I love playing with her but I can't play with her every moment that I'm not taking care of Jillian.  I still have a house to clean, laundry to fold, & meals to make.  So if she can quietly play with her dollhouse or her farm & animal while I take care of some things then I can get those things done quickly & then get to play with her.

I'm getting into a good routine & adjusting as well, but that's for another post.

Slow & Steady

Tomorrow Jillian will be 13 weeks old.  That means I'll be 13 weeks post-partum.  And at 13 weeks I'm still working on losing the baby weight.

I know most women don't lose all the weight that quickly.  Most of the weight has come off.  Right now I'm 7 pounds away.  That's not too bad.  But it's gonna be a hard 7 pounds to lose.  Part of me isn't sure I can.  I was in the middle of training for a marathon when I got pregnant.  I certainly wasn't under weight but my metabolism isn't what it was in high school or college so getting to my desired weight takes a lot of work.

But I'm trying to not focus on the number on the scale.  What matters more is how I look in my non-maternity clothes & fitting into my jeans.  It's probably a good thing that our hot summer has hit because I have no desire to wear jeans now anyway.

It's my stomach that's gonna need the most work.  It's not terrible but I can't help but get discouraged.  Even though I'm 13 weeks post-partum I feel like I look 13 weeks pregnant.

And it doesn't help to hear of celebrities who had a baby & lost all the weight in a matter of weeks & are on magazine covers wearing bikinis showing off their perfectly trim bodies.  Yes, I realize these women have the money to hire dieticians & personal trainers & nannies to watch their babies.  And I bet most of those pictures are doctored.  But it's very discouraging to us normal moms.

There's a little bit of ab muscle forming in there & I know as I continue running & eventually add mileage that it'll get stronger.  It's just very frustrating that it's going so slowly.

Just Another Day in Paradise

10 years ago this month Jeremy & I drove from Greenville, SC to Texas.  A straight 15 hour drive in one day.  He had to get his wisdom teeth out.  It also gave me the chance to get to know his family & for them to get to know me.  We had been dating for 6 months.  The long drive plus the 2 weeks together confirmed that we wanted to be together.

Today we celebrate our 9 year wedding anniversary.  I think what gets me more is that next year it'll be a double digit anniversary.  I love that we've been together so long already.  I look at the 54 years of marriage that my maternal grandparents shared & pray that we are blessed with that & even more.

When we prepared for that long road trip 10 years ago, we made a few CDs for our listening pleasure.  There was a pretty wide variety but we included a couple CDs of just country music.  When we crossed into Texas we popped one in with the first song being "If you're going to play in Texas".  It was fitting.

Anyway, another song was this one:

We said back then that this was a picture of our future.  And now with 2 little girls, bills to be paid, a squeaky dryer, & getting take-out Chinese for dinner, we made a pretty good prediction.

We promised each other for better or worse, for richer or poor, for sickness & in health.  And we've been doing just that.  And there's no one else I would have wanted to do it with.  I love you, Jeremy!

Potty Training - Attempt #1

*If you don't like reading about potty training & all that goes on with it, then this post is not for you.

Yesterday was supposed to be the beginning of potty training.  I had gone shopping with Shaylin & let her pick out her own big girl underwear, set up her Elmo potty in the living room, & covered the love seat with trash bags & a sheet (that's her tv watching seat).  I was nervous about the extra work it was going to give me when I'm already caring for a toddler & a 9-week-old, but I was so ready to get her out of diapers.  She's still in cloth diapers & I'd really like to pass them on to her baby sister.

It started fine.  She was excited to pick out the pink pair of undies.  At first she wanted shorts too but I just said she wasn't wearing shorts today & she was fine with that.  This girl really prefers having clothes on, something her daddy couldn't be happier about.

My plan was to have her sit on the potty every 30 minutes.  She drank a lot of milk with her breakfast & then started drinking a lot of water.  I've always felt that if she could just actually pee in the potty & see the praise she would get for us she'd pick up on it real quick.  She's a smart kid!  So I was hoping that keeping her bladder full would cause her to pee in the potty at some point.

But an hour into it she had her first accident.  There were a total of 4 #1 accidents & 1 #2 accident, all before 12:30.  And that's when I decided to call it quits for the day.

I still think mentally she's ready or at least almost ready.  She's been able to tell me when she needs to go #2 for a while now & then tells me after she's done it too.  But I'm thinking physically she's not there.  She doesn't seem to get how to make her body do this stuff.  And she apparently doesn't know the sign of needing to pee & to hold it till she's on the potty.

She's also an extremely heavy wetter at night.  So bad that I finally decided to put her in disposables just for nighttime because I was tired of her cloth diapers soaking through her pajamas.  I just couldn't stuff those diapers enough to make them that absorbent.  But even yesterday morning her diaper was so heavy & that was after not having anything to drink after dinner.  So I can't imagine how nighttime would have been since I wanted to still keep her in undies at night, too.  Between that & Jillian still waking at night I wouldn't be getting any sleep!

I know I'm not a failure but I still don't like to quit something.  What doesn't help is when you read up on developmental milestones for 2 years old, potty training is on the list as one of the things most 2 year olds start to do.  So I think it makes moms feel like they have to get their kids potty trained before they turn 3 or else their kid is developmentally behind.  That's just not fair!  Some kids are ready sooner & some just aren't.  It's not fair to the kid to force them to do something they just aren't ready to do.  I don't make Jillian walk because she's not ready to walk (wouldn't that be amazing to have a walking 2 month old?!).

My plan for now is just to casually potty train.  She's already been used to sitting on her potty before she takes a bath.  So I'm going to add in some other times.  This morning I had her sit on it after she got up.  Then I'll add in other times like after naps or after meals.  But she'll still be in her cloth diapers.  If she can show any better signs of being ready, I'd like to try again in August.  We have family that will be in town through the month of July which will have us away from the house a lot.  I'd also like to give it a try while it's still hot since I want to still go the route of just undies & a shirt.  Good thing Texas summers last so long!

Until then I'm going to focus on the things she can do.  She may not know how to use the potty yet but she can speak in clear, complete sentences, does some crazy stunts on our king-size bed, & can eat better than some adults!

The Birth of Jillian Grace

To really give a complete story, I've gotta go back a few weeks.

I went into this pregnancy wanting to go natural, as in drug-free.  The birth of Shaylin was wonderful because she was born but the birth experience wasn't.  I just try to not let it overshadow her birth.  But this time I knew what I wanted & didn't want.  However, I was still afraid that I might not be able to do it.

One night (close to 35 weeks pregnant) I was looking around on my doctor's Facebook fan page.  Yes, my OB/GYN has a Facebook fan page!  If you knew him, you'd understand why.  I read it from time to time to read other women's stories of how they found him & the kind of care he gave them.  For some reason Facebook let me know that a particular doula service was also a fan of his.  And this doula had commented often on the page.  So I looked around on her page.  Then to her blog & started reading some birth stories.  I started to figure out that she had assisted my doctor with a lot of births & at my hospital.  Honestly, before then I thought doulas only helped with birthing centers or home births.  I just figured hospitals wouldn't allow that.

Reading over what a doula does made me realize that I really wanted this for my birth.  I wanted that help to keep me drug-free.  But I knew it would come with a cost.  And I was certain our health insurance would not cover the cost of a doula (and it doesn't).  But we have an HSA account.  We set it up to the maximum we could contribute so our deductible would be met & then still have plenty in the account to hopefully not pay any medical expenses out of pocket.  I looked over the list of eligible HSA expenses & midwife/doula care was on the approved list.  So the next step was to contact her.  Long story short, we met with Katie & just loved her!  And we figured out that we could pay her with the HSA account through her Paypal account.  It was a huge blessing & we knew only God could have led us to find her.  So it gave me hope that He would help me get the birth experience I wanted.

Fast forward to 38 weeks & 2 days.  My mom was coming at the end of the week.  At this point I had gone further than I did with Shaylin so of course I was anxious.  I went for a checkup & learned from my doctor that he was going to be out of town for a whole week with my due date right in the middle of it.  So we knew if we wanted him to deliver this baby (since he didn't get to deliver Shaylin) we needed it to happen in the next week.  So I said we could schedule an induction for the following week unless I went into labor on my own.  I was excited but at the same time I already knew this wasn't the right decision.  I called my doula & she explained to me the drug that was going to be used (Cytotec) & the dangers of it.  She also reminded me that if I could go into labor on my own & show up to the hospital in active labor there wasn't much the nurses would be able to do to stop whatever I wanted.  But in the end it was still my decision.  But I knew she was right & this was exactly why we hired her.  I needed to get my focus back on my desired birth experience & not just on whether my doctor could be there.

So a week later we go for another checkup.  I agreed to have a cervical check to help confirm my decision. I had still considered doing the induction if I was already dilated & thinned out quite a bit.  But I was only 2 cm & 25% effaced.  Still better than I was when my water broke with Shaylin (1 cm & 0% effaced) but not far enough to go with an induction & get the birth I wanted.  So I let him know that I wasn't doing the induction.  And he was fully supportive of my decision.  He couldn't say it but I think he preferred me waiting.  He's been called the "male midwife" so he's all for being as natural if possible.  He just said he has to give his patients the option since he was going to be gone.  I made an appointment for the next week but left the office crying because I knew deep down that I wasn't going to make it to that appointment & he wouldn't get delivering this baby either.  I called Katie & she suggested making plans everyday to keep me busy.  That night Jeremy & I went on a date while my mom watched Shaylin.  Another day my mom & I took Shaylin to the zoo.  There were some shopping trips that week too.

On Thursday, March 29 I woke up to find I had some bloody show.  It had me really excited but it didn't necessarily mean I was about to go into labor.  Later I met Katie at a McDonalds so our kids could play & we could visit.  Then I had a chiropractor appointment.  I started seeing this chiropractor at 37 weeks.  I regret not going sooner.  Just one adjustment had me feeling better in those last 3 weeks than I did the entire pregnancy!  It was also helping to keep Jillian in an anterior position.  During the adjustment we talked about how I had been feeling & the bloody show.  I told her how I was hoping my doctor would still get to deliver this baby even though that would mean being pregnant for a few more days.  She then said I wouldn't like what she would have to say.  I said it was ok to tell me & she said that I would be having this baby the next day!  I was surprised to hear it but didn't let it get me too excited.

That night we went to bed around 11:00.  That's when I noticed a couple contractions.  They didn't hurt.  It was just a tightening in my belly.  And they were about 10 minutes apart.  But since I had already had them before & they didn't produce anything I didn't get too excited.  So we went to sleep.  And as usual my pregnancy-induced insomnia kept me awake while Jeremy went right to sleep.  So since I was awake I couldn't help me notice those contractions still coming & was watching the clock.  Sometimes they'd be 7 minutes apart & then they'd be 20 minutes apart.

At 2:30am I noticed the contractions were starting to get closer, averaging 10 minutes now.  So I decided to just text Katie & let her know what was going on.  I sent another at 3:15 letting her know of more bloody show.  She encouraged me to try to sleep.  I remember her telling me this back in one of our appointments that she tries to get her patients to get as much sleep as possible in preparation of labor.  She suggested I take Benadryl but we didn't have any so I went with Tylenol PM but only one.  I think I was hoping it would take a little bit of the edge off the contractions so I could sleep.  But then they started to pick up to the point that I couldn't lay still in bed.  So I got up & tried laying on the couch, hoping a different location would help me sleep.  That's when I realized I couldn't lay down at all during the contractions, which were now down to 3 minutes apart.  So at 4:50 I texted Katie again & let her know & see what she thought we should do.  It would be at least a 45 minute drive to the hospital & that was if traffic wasn't bad. We discussed me sitting in a warm bath to help with the contractions but I got really nervous about laboring at home too long & then getting in a long car ride when things could get really intense.  The thought of sitting in bumper to bumper traffic while working through a contraction was not appealing.  So I finally woke up Jeremy, who'd sort of gotten about 4 hours of sleep (my constant tossing & turning & getting out of bed didn't make it a very restful sleep for him), packed our things, & woke my mom to let her know we were leaving.  I sneaked into Shaylin's room to see her real quick before leaving.  I was so excited for our family but it was still hard knowing that her life was about to change in a huge way & I knew it wasn't going to be easy at times.

Traffic ended up being great.  But when you hit the freeway before 6am there aren't too many people on the roads yet.  On the way Jeremy called his dad to wish him happy birthday & with that early of a call his dad knew what was going on.  The whole pregnancy he had predicted that this baby would be born on his birthday, since the due date was the day after.  But I kept saying it wouldn't happen because I didn't want to be pregnant that long.  I was so sure I'd go earlier simply because Shaylin came early.

I clipped my ipod shuffle to my tanktop & put my headphones in my ears & got in the zone.  My labor music selection wasn't exactly your typical laboring music.  No Enya or other peaceful music.  Nope.  I had running music.  I selected songs that were extra motivating during runs, especially my marathon.  This was going to be my marathon.  All the walking I had been doing through my 3rd trimester were done while listening to this music was "training" me for this moment.  I might just be the first momma to listen to Eminem's "Lose Yourself" while in labor.

We arrived at the hospital at about 6:30, with Katie arriving a few minutes later.  We had to fill out some papers to sign in & I signed when I could but during contractions I worked through them however I needed.  Sometimes I would lean over & just rock my hips left & right.  Sometimes I would squat down.  The contractions were uncomfortable now but I was handling them.  This was definitely like the first couple miles of a marathon.  I felt great & like I could totally do this!

We got to my L&D room & the nurse gave me my gown to change into, the girdle to go around my waist for the monitor, & some non-slip socks to wear.  I told her I was going to actually keep wearing my "marathon shoes" & the look on her face was something else.  It was as if I offended her by not taking her socks.  I guess not too many women labor in shoes.

Another nurse comes in since it was time for the shift change.  Right off the bat I could tell we were going to have to watch this one.  I was on the birthing ball, finding it a great position at that moment.  I wanted to stay on it as long as possible. She started through a whole bunch of questions. Somewhere in the questions was asked how many pregnancies I had had.  This was #8.  That number still overwhelms me but it's something I have accepted.  For some reason she needed to know the dates of all the pregnancies & asked if I knew them.  I'm a mother.  I can't help but remember when they were.  I don't remember the exact dates for all of them but I at least know the months & years of each.  So I started spouting them out:

May 2007
October 2007
April 2008
June 2008
October 2008
January 2009
January 2010 (Shaylin's birth)

By the time I got to the 5th one I just lost it.  I can usually talk about my miscarriage history without crying, but to sit there & have to tell how many times I have been pregnant so close together & without all those babies born was more than I could take.  And it didn't help that the nurse showed no reaction to my emotions.  Jeremy & Katie were not pleased with this.

After the questioning was done, it was time for a cervical check.  I was 3 cm & 50% effaced.  They checked with the doctor who was on call for my doctor but I already knew that I wanted to leave if I was less than 4 cm.  So we called a friend from church who lives in a house just a couple miles from the hospital & had offered her house as a place to labor should we need it.  The timing really couldn't have worked better.  She & her roommate were at work so it was going to be just me, Jeremy, & my doula.  We arrived at 8:45.

This house was great!  It's huge!  It was once used as a ministry by a couple who took in young pregnant girls who were searching for an option other than abortion.  If they chose to give their baby up for adoption they were given help to find an adopting family.  If they chose to keep their baby they were prepared with childcare classes & other help like life skills or getting their GED if needed.  And my doctor was the doctor who helped deliver those babies!

We started by hanging out in the kitchen, with me doing a lot of squatting at the counter.  I tried to eat some pudding & got down about half the cup.  I also had to keep drinking water.  Then we moved to the den where I stayed on my knees & would lay my top half on the couch during contractions.  It was starting to get difficult to join in conversation with Jeremy & Katie.  At one point I started feeling sick after each contraction.  Then it just hit me.  I finished a contraction & had to rush to the nearest bathroom.  And up came all the pudding I had eaten earlier.  Katie said this was a good sign.

Around 10:30 I decided I wanted to try the shower.  So I got in my too-small-for-my-belly tankini & stood in the shower, keeping the hot water hitting my lower back.  I stayed in there for an hour & a half!  And all while still jamming out to my music.  That was probably one of the best times of my labor experience.  It was hard but I was totally doing this.  It reminded me of miles 9 through 12 of my marathon.  It was like some sort of runner's high I had reached & I felt like nothing could stop me.

At 12:00 I got out & got dressed.  And my marathon shoes went back on of course!  We stayed in a bedroom where I got back on my knees & leaned on the bed during contractions.  Things really started picking up at this point, to the point where I started moaning through contractions.  Jeremy had left for Taco Bueno earlier to get lunch for himself & Katie.  Based on how I was acting Katie felt that it was now best to head back to the hospital since they would be wanting to get 2 rounds of antibiotics in me before the birth (I was GBS positive).  So as soon as Jeremy got back we started packing up the car.  That was 12:45.

As we were leaving my backup birth photographer had arrived.  I had one lined up originally, a close friend who shot Shaylin's birth.  But she had another client due the exact same day as me & had booked her first so we knew there was a chance that she'd miss mine for the other client, which was completely understandable.  Then she got really sick & was just too sick to make my birth.  So Katie contacted one of her friends in the area who was able to come pretty quickly for a mom of 3.  She had also been a doula for a few years so technically we had 2 doulas for this birth!

The drive back to the hospital was intense.  The house was up on a hill off a dirt road so Jeremy had to drive  slowly to avoid bumping me around too much.  I was in the front seat on my knees facing the opposite way, hugging the seat.  Once he got to the access road Jeremy took off.  I remember glancing over to see that we were passing cars that were on I-35!  He pulled right up to the entrance of the Center for Women & we got out, leaving the car there.  It kinda felt like a movie!

When we walked in we assumed we would get to go right back to the L&D room that I was in just a few hours earlier.  But because they had discharged me the lady at the front desk said we had to sign in again.  That meant signatures from me, filling out my personal information, & verifying insurance.  Needless to say Jeremy let them know that he was ticked.  Katie & Mary, my photographer, came in & started leading me to L&D anyway.  I was upset because for all I knew I was coming close to fully dilated & was scared my husband wouldn't get to be by my side because he had to sign me in.  I mean, seriously?!  Why couldn't they just have held on to the papers from earlier?  This is why I would consider something other than a hospital birth next time.

The walk to L&D was very slow with a lot of stops so Jeremy was able to catch up.  I did end up in the original room.  Changing back into that girdle & hospital gown wasn't easy.  But I still had my marathon shoes on!  They did a cervical check & said I was 5 cm, 80% effaced, & -2 station.  I didn't handle that news very well.  I felt like I should have been at least 7 cm but to hear I was now only halfway there was extremely discouraging.  And if it hurt this much now, how much more was it going to hurt for another 5 cm?!

They reminded me that they needed to give me a round of antibiotics but I didn't want to stay in bed.  Really, I wanted to walk but for 30 minutes I had to stay put.  So they let me sit on the birthing ball again & they raised the bed up so I could lean on it.

The nurse that was doing the IV didn't do so well.  I've never had good veins to begin with but this was on my hand so it's not as difficult to find.  She would miss & dig around for the vein & I was yelling out in pain.  Everyone thought it was another contraction but I said it was the needle.  This was really throwing me off.  I was also getting exhausted.  Every now & then I'd nod off.  Remember, I went into this with no sleep.

Finally at 3:15 they were done.  At this point I knew I couldn't walk around.  I asked about getting to labor in the tub & the nurse said she'd see if it could get ready.  Until then I wanted to sit in the shower.  But I really didn't want to try to get back into my tankini.  So the nurse suggested I use 2 of those girdles, one as a top & one as a bottom.  Now the shoes had to come back off.

Jeremy sat in the shower with me, holding the sprayer at the lower part of my belly.  The nurse came in at one point saying she needed to monitor the baby.  I had asked for monitoring to be intermittent & they had been honoring that.  So much so that when she came in she didn't make me get out of the shower but covered the monitor with a glove & put it on my belly.  It wasn't easy for her to get a reading with the water hitting it but she eventually got what she needed.  It was one of the times she was able to redeem herself.

At 3:45 I wanted to get out of the shower.  I was feeling a lot of pressure on my tailbone.  So I moved to the toilet.  The nurse was not happy when she walked by at one point & saw me there.  She made some comment about not delivering a baby on a toilet.  That was not a redeeming moment.  I knew the baby wasn't just going to fall out in the toilet.  But it was a great position for that part of labor.

Around 4:00 I asked to be checked.  I just knew we were really getting somewhere & I kept feeling like I was needing to push.  I got to the bed, still in just those 2 girdles, & was checked, now at 8 cm, fully effaced, & 0 station.  So close but still not there.  They asked me what I wanted to do, maybe go back to the shower or toilet, but I didn't feel like I could make it.  So I stayed in the bed on my left side.

This is when transition hit.  It was by far the hardest part, well, other than what came right after.  I had gone all day feeling in control & that I could do this & never once asked for drugs of any kind.  But somewhere during the next 15 minutes I cried out "I can't do it".  Jeremy said it started to scare him to see me like that & not know what to do.  And there really wasn't much anyone could do.  Had I wanted an epidural I highly doubt they could have done it even if an anesthesiologist was already in the room.

They had already called for the doctor but she still hadn't shown.  15 minutes after the last check they checked me again because my photographer/2nd doula could tell I was complete.  Something about how she could squeeze a part of my leg & the temperature of it.  So they checked me & sure enough I was finally 10 cm & +2 station.  15 minutes & I got the last 2 cm while on my side!  Crazy!

Funny moment here - I was clinging to the side rail of the bed where there are a lot of buttons, including the controls for the tv.  So when the tv came on everyone was confused.  They'd turn it off but then it'd come back on.  I remember getting mad at myself because I realized that I was doing that & thought that was a really dumb place for tv controls.  My photographer/2nd doula took on the additional job of tv control.

Now I had reached the hardest part - the part where I needed to push NOW but there was no doctor so I had to wait.  This is no easy task.  I remember seeing the nurses in the room & could tell they were stalling.  At some point I kinda started to push but it wasn't producing any progress.  But I think had I been in just the right position I could have done it & someone would have needed to be there to catch a baby.

Finally the doctor shows up.  I barely got a good look at her but I remember thinking that she looked like a friend of mine from church.  I then remember her saying something about getting olive oil out & making a salad.  This is good because that means she paid attention to my birth plan, something I wasn't sure would happen with an on-call doctor.

We're not exactly sure how many pushes it took.  It wasn't a structured hold-your-breath-count-to-10 type of pushing.  I tried to just take over & push when a contraction came.  Katie thinks it was no more than 4 pushes so we'll go with that.  However many pushes it was, this was the easy part.  I remember when I felt the "ring of fire" & realizing that it wasn't as bad as I had always heard.

Once I felt that she was out I wanted her right away.  I guess time seemed to go slow at that moment because I felt like they were cleaning & suctioning her for too long & at one point I yelled out "I want me baby!  Give me my baby!".  Jeremy says that when I yelled that that Jillian wasn't actually fully out & they were just trying to suction her some before getting her out completely.

The moment they put her on my chest was amazing.  I had crossed the finish line to my marathon.  And I was so in love.  Jillian Grace was born at 4:29pm & weighed 7 pounds & 13 ounces & was 20 inches long.  And she had a head full of blonde hair.

The doctor honored my request to not clamp the cord for 60 seconds, which was about how long it took to stop pulsating anyway.  They delayed newborn procedures & gave me 2 hours of skin to skin before we were moved to my post-partum room.  The hospital has really come a long way in the 2 years since Shaylin's birth & is trying to be more baby-friendly.

My recovery was so different this time.  Before even leaving the L&D room Jeremy commented on how different I seemed this time.  I felt great, other than a sore tailbone.  I know just the fact that I didn't tear has a lot with how much better I felt.  There were no drugs in my system that I was waiting to come out.  I had a very alert baby who nursed like a pro almost immediately.

I don't like to use the word "amazing" because it tends to be overused but I don't know how else to describe the whole experience with any other word.  Maybe empowering?  Not in a feminist kind of way.  But just feeling like I could do anything.  I went into this thinking of it as a marathon & I've come out of it with an even greater feeling than my 26.2 mile race gave me.  It was by far the most physically, emotionally, & mentally challenging experience of my life but also the greatest.  When I ran a marathon it showed me that God made me capable to complete such a challenge.  But to give birth naturally it showed that He created my body to be able to do something so much more incredible.  And I'm so thankful that He has again blessed us with another miracle & made us a family of four.

"A woman at birth is at once her most powerful, and her most vulnerable.  But any woman who has birth unhindered understands that we are stronger than we know."  ~  Marci Macari

*Birth photography provided by Embrace Birth Doula Service & Photography

Mom of 2

I've really wanted to start blogging again but finding enough free time to do it & when my head is clear enough to even think has been difficult. Take today for example. I woke up before both girls with just enough time to workout. After breakfast we did a quick trip to Target & then I decided to see my chiropractor after having pain in my neck since Tuesday night. Picked up a late lunch on the way home & started the nap process. And so far I've gone back & forth with both girls. Either Shaylin won't stay in bed & requires discipline or Jillian won't stay asleep & needs to be rocked back to sleep, which I'm doing now. I've found a Blogger app so I'm attempting my first post on my phone.

Speaking of Jillian, I have tried to write out her birth story but again, no time. That's not one I want to do on my phone.

Adding another child has had its good days & bad days. Shaylin had a hard time adjusting in the beginning but has gotten better. She's also 2 so that keeps things interesting. Jillian started out really easy but has been a bit difficult at times, especially with getting her to sleep for naps or bedtime. Last night took 2 hours to finally get her to sleep! I know she's only 7 weeks (tomorrow) but I'm starting to wonder if I need to start doing something about it.

But with all the hard times, the good times outnumber them. Seeing Shaylin kissing Jillian & Jillian smiling at her make it all worth it.

Baby #2 or #8

This has been on my mind for a while now.  Back when I was pregnant with Shaylin I posted a blog here about how I struggled with how to answer people that asked if she was my first.  Usually I would say that she was my first healthy pregnancy but she was my 7th pregnancy.

This time around has actually been confusing to me.  I tend to refer to Jillian as "Baby #2".  But then I feel guilty calling her that because really Baby #2 came & went in October 2007.  One time while discussing pregnancies with my sisters-in-law, I actually referred to my pregnancy with Shaylin as my "first pregnancy" & immediately I felt horrible.  I felt like I was ignoring the 6 babies before her.

At the same time I don't want to refer to Jillian as my 8th baby because it can seem confusing to people that don't know us.  Or it can just seem like a downer to remind people of our losses.  But it's hard because I can't ignore them. 

So what's the solution?  I have no idea.  I will at least continue to live my life knowing that I have 8, not just 2, babies.

Chugging Right Along

Oh yeah!  I've got a blog!

I so want to blog more often.  I constantly get ideas of things I want to post but just don't take the time to post them.  Maybe I'll just do some marathon posting at some point.

So I'm 17 weeks now.  I still get sick from time to time but it's not constant.  Mostly it's after I eat or when I'm really tired, like today.  I've been feeling the baby move & kick everyday for the past 2 weeks now.  Today I'm pretty sure I felt it on the outside.  This seems to be a really active baby.  Tomorrow I have a checkup & I'm sure we'll get to schedule the big ultrasound a week or 2 later.  So it won't be long before we know who's in there!

I've been trying to find ways to cut back on our grocery bill.  It's definitely not easy as a family of 3 (going on 4).  But last week I made one great meal choice:  ham.  I cooked it in the crockpot with brown sugar, pineapple juice, & maple syrup & served it with mashed potatoes & green bean casserole.  There were rolls & sweet tea, too.  It was a wonderful meal!  We took off most of the meat to save for sandwiches which we ate all week for lunches & Sunday night for dinner.  And we froze the ham hock which I'm using today for beans & rice.  That should be another dinner that will stretch pretty far.  I'm thinking I'll do that meal once a month.

Now that it's slowly cooling off it makes more sense to have soup.  And soup stretches pretty far, too.  Shaylin doesn't do too well with soup yet but grilled cheese is an easy backup for her.  So I'm on the seach for easy, low-cost soups.

There could be more to tell about us but since we don't know anything right now I'll have to just keep that quiet.  How's that for being vague?!  We know that God's will will be done so we are just praying that His will is also our will & whatever the outcome we accept it.

Where Were You?

I heard this song this morning.  It will probably get played a lot over the weekend.

And so I ask . . . where were you?  Where were you on September 11, 2001 when you heard about the attack on our country?  How did you react?

I was a senior at Bob Jones University.  At 9:00, which was just after the first plane hit, I started Spanish class.  I remember about halfway through the class that one student's cell phone rang.  The teacher was annoyed since phones were supposed to be turned off during class & he quickly silenced the call.  When class got out I remember seeing him in the hall on his phone, likely returning his missed call.  Later that day I found out that his mom was the one calling him, telling him about the attacks. 

Keep in mind of where I was at the time.  There were very few TV's on campus.  So news of the "outside world" didn't come instantly.  This was also before the days of smartphones.

So after Spanish class I went to the next room which was the "Language Lab".  Basically you had to spend so much time in there each week doing language exercises, listening to tapes to improve your speaking abilities in the language you were learning.  I think I spent about 30 minutes in there. 

We had chapel Mondays through Thursdays at 11:00.  Since I had some time to spare I decided to walk to the library to check my email.  There weren't a whole lot of people in there but I didn't think much of it since it was during a class hour.  Checked my email but there was nothing about the attacks.  I probably could have gotten on some sort of news website but I didn't.  I was probably there about 15 minutes so I started heading to the FMA (Founder's Memorial Amphitheater) for chapel.  I remember the campus seeming empty.  Not a lot of people out.  Again, I thought it was weird but didn't put much more thought into it.

Once I got in the FMA I met up with 2 friends.  And they asked me if I heard about the terrorist attacks.  What?!  They said some planes had flown into the World Trade Center.  I also remember one friend being a little nervous because she felt these terrorist would want to do harm to Christians & a place like BJU, especially in a general assembly like chapel, would be their perfect target. 

Chapel wasn't like others before.  Dr. Bob updated the student body on what was known at the time, which wasn't much.  It had only been a little over 2 hours since the first plane hit.  They weren't even sure yet who the attack was from.  I remember him also saying that there could be as many as 10,000 people killed in this attack, considering it was in New York City & how many people usually are in those buildings.  That just blew my mind.

He chose for the school day to go on as usual.  Classes would continue as normal.  To this day I still have mixed feelings on this decision.  Yes, there was no good in just sitting & worrying.  But there were students from New York or Washington, DC that were scared for their loved ones.  I had one friend who was scared because her dad worked at the Pentagon & she couldn't get a hold of anyone in her family.  She finally got to talk to someone later & was relieved to hear her dad was ok.  But I felt bad that she had to try to focus on class while worried about her dad.  It didn't seem fair.

That day I was having lunch with a friend.  He had a class at noon so I had to wait for him to get out.  So I went to the bottom of one of the girls' dorms where a TV was so I could watch the news & see this for myself.  Seeing that 2nd plane hit the other tower just didn't seem real.  It was something you only saw in movies.

That night President Bush spoke to the nation & we were able to see it as another general assembly.  There were a lot of tears.  A couple of my friends had actually been inside the World Trade Center just that summer so to see those towers crumble to the ground was hard to watch.

Patriotism was amazing after that day.  I think there was an American flag in every dorm window.  My roommates & I even bought some red, white, & blue lights & strung them around our window.

So that's my story.  I've seen one of those reposting status' that says how I couldn't tell you what I did last Tuesday, but I could tell you what I did on that Tuesday 10 years ago.  That couldn't be more true!

Again I ask, where were you?

Pregnancy Update

I decided to wait until after today's doctor's appointment before giving a pregnancy update.  I haven't been overly worried but still nervous from time to time. 

We had a 2nd sonogram today.  The one from 2 weeks ago was very early so we didn't see the baby.  I knew we wouldn't but that was still hard.  But today almost right away we saw a "mass" that was our baby.  At this point the baby's arms & legs are beginning to form.  That's hard to see on a sonogram though, so it looks like a big mass.  But we could still see where the head is & see arm buds on the side & best of all, saw a tiny heartbeat.  And we heard it!  As much as just seeing the baby gave me a sigh of relief, hearing the heartbeat sent me to tears.  It's just beautiful!  The only thing more beautiful will be his/her first cry.

So why was I so nervous about this sonogram despite the nausea I've had for over a week now?  It just still seems surreal to me.  For so long I felt like I was just the woman who had miscarriages.  Then I had a baby.  So in some strange way I still feel like I'm "supposed" to have more miscarriages before I can have another baby.

Another strange thing that went through my head was fear that this pregnancy would end like my 1st one did.  With that one I had a sonogram at 5 1/2 weeks & we saw nothing but thought it was too early.  A week later we still saw nothing & knew we lost the baby.  So somehow in my warped thinking I feared that this would be like my 1st pregnancy, like we were starting all over again.  Granted, I didn't have near the kind of symptoms then that I have now. 

Now I just feel so blessed.  Nauseous, too.  But most of all blessed.  It was a long, hard road to have a baby.  And as much as we wanted more babies, we knew that if Shaylin was all God chose to give us that would still be more than we once thought we'd get.  So now to be 8 months away from having a 2nd baby, it's just overwhelming.

Yes, it IS hot enough for me!

I'm so glad I don't work anymore.  I'm sure if I did I would still have customers walk into my office & ask "Is it hot enough for ya?".  What does that even mean?! 

Lately it's actually been too hot for me & everybody else.  Today will be day 34 of continuous days of 100+ temps.  The record was set in 1980 with 42 days.  And based on the forecast we will likely set a new record in 2011.  May as well if we're going to endure this heat, although it's not like we'll win a prize for it.

I heard that we reached 111 degrees in some areas yesterday.  And according to weather.com it's predicting 110 for today through Saturday.  Just now at 7:30am it's already 85 degrees!

The heat has really been affecting me lately.  I've been feeling a little sick when I get too hot.  And sometimes there's just no avoiding it.  It really makes me feel for those pregnant ladies around here who are in the last weeks or days of their pregnancies.  I can't even imagine how miserable they must feel!  I pray they can get some relief soon, either with a cold front or by going into labor & getting to sleep in one of those extra cold hospital rooms.

I'm also praying for the people that have to work outside in this.  In the first couple years of our marriage Jeremy was one of those people.  He read meters for the electric company so there was lots of walking no matter the weather.  If our meter hadn't already been read I would be looking out for our meter reader so I could offer him some iced water.  A few people did that for Jeremy when he was out there & I really appreciated it.  We do have a mailman that walks the neighborhood so my plan today is to place a note inside our mailbox letting him know that the cooler on the steps has water & Gatorade in it & it's for him.  Hopefully he will take it & that won't see creepy.  I just know it's hard enough walking this neighborhood because of the hills, let alone in 100+ heat!

I'm also tired of being cooped up in the house.  And Shaylin is too.  She so wants to play outside but there just isn't a good time to do it.  As soon as it cools down, even to the low 100's, I'm going to have to take her to the splash pad so she can have some outdoor water fun.

Then there is my dogs.  Kaylee in particular loves being outside.  It's just the type of breed she is.  Keira gets excited to go out but is always more excited to come back inside.  And that may be because the heat is making her sick.  So I have to be careful on how long I let them stay outside.  Plus, these poor dogs haven't been on a walk in months.  It's just too hot for us all to go out.

Hopefully all of this misery will end in another month of so.  But that's a long way away.  August tends to be the hottest month in Texas & it's only the 4th.

There's a Bun in the Oven!!!

Yesterday was an exciting day for our family!  We found out that we were going to go from a family of 3 to a family of 4!  This is the first time we've ever announced a pregnancy this quickly but this time it just felt right.  And we did it by posting this picture on our Facebook walls.  Apparently people didn't figure it out right away but when they did the congrats starting rolling in. 

It really came as a shock to me yesterday.  We'd been trying for a few months now & it had actually been taking longer than it used to with past pregnancies.  Being in our 30s now wasn't helping.  I was trying not to stress about it but that's one of those things that's easier said than done.  In June I decided to start training for the marathon & just see what happened.  Last week I was 90% sure that if it didn't happen this month that we were going to take a break so I could focus on the marathon & just to have a break from that stress.

So anyway I had myself convinced that it just wasn't going to happen.  I was more relaxed this month & didn't even use my basal body thermometer very much.  I finally did on Monday & the temp was high.  I thought it was weird but just went on like normal.  I forgot to do it the next morning & started planning my run for Wednesday, which was going to be outside on some great hills in my neighborhood.  But with crazy heat we were going to get made me change my mind.  Plus, I just had this nagging feeling that I shouldn't run.  So Wednesday morning I took my temperature & it was still high.  Now I knew something was up.  I had to go to the store so I picked up a couple home pregnancy tests.  Side note:  How weird was my cart at Walmart?!  I had dog food, chicken, pizza sauce, & 2 pregnancy tests!  What a combo!

Anyway, I came home & took the test & immediately that little + sign showed up.  It had been a long time since I had seen it & I couldn't help but smile.

Obviously I will not be doing the marathon now.  And I won't be running.  As I've said before, most females runners are allowed to continue running through most of their pregnancy.  But with my history of miscarriages it's just not worth it.  I have to say it feels weird that I won't be running for 9 months.  Running has become such a big part of who I am.  But I don't mind because now I can focus even more on the other part of me:  being a momma.

So am I still nervous?  ABSOLUTELY!  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.  There is a peace I seem to have which I can only thank God for.  I'm not yet even 5 weeks & that is the first hurdle for us to get over.  5 out of 6 babies were lost before making it to 5 weeks.  The other one was just shy of 7 weeks so that is our 2nd hurdle.

As for the due date, there can be some debate on it.  The doctor will likely say it's March 31st.  I believe it actually should be April 2nd.  But since I've pretty much decided this one will come early just like his/her big sister did, I'm sure it'll be a March baby.  So I may as well just go with the date the doctor gives me.  And that's not a bad one to take considering this Saturday would put me at 5 weeks already!

My first doctor's appointment is on Monday.  I know!  I was surprised I got in so soon!  I don't expect a whole lot to be done.  It really will be too early for a good ultrasound.  All we'd likely see is the sac.  But we will go as a family.  My doctor & nurses haven't seen Shaylin since my 6 week post-partum checkup so I'm excited for them to see her again.  And I absolutely love my doctor & his staff.  They were some of our biggest fans through my pregnancy with Shaylin.  There's just something pretty cool about seeing your doctor beaming over the sight of your growing belly. 

So for those who didn't notice the picture or just didn't get it, now you know what's going on.  We're having another baby!

The Belly Fat Cure

Nobody really loves a diet.  I mean, the word "die" is in it!  And sometimes we feel like we might "die" if we don't get to drink a soda or eat half a gallon of ice cream or eat an entire chicken fried steak at Babe's.

Well, we've been eating like that for too long.  And despite all the running I do, I can't really eat whatever I want & still lose weight.  I sort of could back in the breastfeeding days.  But as soon as those ended so did my high motabolism. 

I'm not going to go into my husband's dieting woes since it's my blog & not his, but I'll just say that he's tried.  But when he was working 2 jobs (that ended last month) there was only so much he could do. 

So now we're determined to beat this.  He wants to drop his weight once & for all & I want to find a way to not struggle with mine & get rid of my "mommy fluff".

Jeremy heard about this book called "The Belly Fat Cure" from some ladies at work.  The author talked about cutting carbs & sugars, not fats like we've always been told.  This was the same thing we heard on a documentary called "Fat Head".  You can find it on Netflix.  The movie was in response to "Super Size Me" which we all know was about the guy who ate McDonalds for 30 days & gained a lot of weight.  Well, the "Fat Head" guy ate at McDonalds but used his brain!  He didn't get sodas, would eat burgers without the buns, & would find better side option than fries.  He set a limit of carbs he'd consume each day.  And in the end, he lost weight!  So we were intrigued.

Last week we started our new diet.  In it you are limited to 15 grams of sugar a day & 6 "units" of carbs.  A carb unit is anywhere from 5 to 20 carbs.  So if a slice of bread has 12 carbs, then that's 1 carb unit.  If something has 25 carbs, then it's 2 carb units.  It has us eating whole grains which helps with the carbs but also gives more fiber (another thing we're to get more of).  And we eat more protein.  So chicken, steak, bacon . . . yes, I said bacon.  We've seriously had bacon almost everyday in the last week!

And here are our results in just 1 week:

Me - lost 3 lbs. & an inch in my waist
Jeremy - lost 9.4 lbs. & 2 inches in his waist

Not only have we lost weight, but our energy hasn't been effected.  Honestly, I'd say I have felt better this past week than when I could eat "normal foods".  It hasn't even affected my running!  And we haven't been craving the wrong foods.  Well, maybe I have a little but it's hard when you're the grocery shopper in the house!

Our meals are actually good.  From time to time I may post some.  Here's an easy pasta one that I absolutely loved.

6 oz. whole wheat penne pasta (cooked & drained)
1 cup pasta sauce (it's gotta be something low in sugar; it'll be more expensive but remember you're only using 1 cup)
1/2 cup heavy cream (yeah, seriously!)
1/4 chicken broth
season w/ salt, pepper, & oregano
4 chicken breasts, cooked & diced

Cook sauce, cream, & broth till it starts to simmer.  Add chicken & cook a few more minutes.  Pour over drained pasta.  Top with shredded parmesan.

This is for 4 servings.  But believe me that it's enough.  You can serve it when a side of broccoli (1/2 cup) which you can "season" with butter. 

So yeah, I'm pretty convinced that this is the diet we've been needing all along.  I will try to give updates on our progress.  It makes me excited to see how well it's worked so far!

Yucky Virus

We had a rough week last week.  It started Wednesday morning at 6am when Shaylin woke us up crying.  As soon as I walked in the room I could tell that she had thrown up.  She did it again 5 more times that day, including once in the car right as I pulled into the doctor's office.  Yeah, that was not fun!

She didn't have any other symptoms that day other than being fussy & clingy.  She was very tired from waking up early & not sleeping well when she would nap.  The doctor said it was a nasty virus that's been going around, mostly affecting kids.  My guess is she picked it up when we went shopping at Walmart the day before.

The night she started getting a fever.  It was 100.2 so we gave her motrin.  At 4am she woke us up & her temp was 102.  I gave her more motrin & laid on the couch with her since she obviously wanted her momma.  There was very little sleep involved for me.  I just can't sleep with her, as much as I love that closeness.  Plus she was very restless as you can imagine.

Most of Thursday we were battling with the fever, but no more vomiting.  Twice that day including after dinner her temp reached the highest ever at 103.4.  That got a little scary for me.  She still had a rough night of sleep that night but she at least managed to stay in her crib all night.

Thursday night I had noticed what I thought was a diaper rash.  We even thought it was a heat rash due to her fever.  But the next day it started spreading.  It got all over her legs & started up her arms & stomach.  So I made another trip to the doctor.  They confirmed that this was another reaction to the virus.  It wouldn't bother her or make her itchy & the rash itself wasn't contagious.  Once she had gone 24 hours without a fever she was clear of being contagious.  Since she had a low grade one at the doctor's office on Friday we had to keep her home a little longer.

On Saturday the rash peaked.  Thankfully it didn't reach her face!  But by then you could actually feel the bumps & she looked pretty bad.  We needed to go to the store that evening so we decided to take her & wondered if people would say anything.  Nobody did so either they didn't notice or they did but were being polite.

She's still got the rash today but it's lightened up.  It's gonna take a few days for her skin to get back to its normal pasty self.  But she is at least feeling like her sweet & happy self again so that makes me happy.

Best Cookies on the Block

There's an episode of Friends after Chandler & Monica get engaged where their friend Phoebe realizes she never gave them a engagement present.  Monica says that she would like Phoebe's grandmother's chocolate cookie recipe.  She thought they were the best cookies ever & knew if she had the recipe she would someday be the mom in her neighborhood who made the best chocolate cookies.

Well, I think I'm that mom! 

But you can't have the recipe.  You see, it's a family secret.  I wasn't even given the recipe until I said "I do".  And that's the only way you can get the recipe.  But I can tell you they are pretty awesome! 

Worst Blogger Ever!

I'm fully aware I have a blog.  I even somehow still think of myself as a "blogger".  But you wouldn't know it by how often I post anything.  I think of things but never get the time to do it.  And by the time I do find the time the post doesn't seem relevant.

So for now I'll just post some updates & thoughts.

Summer is here.  No, it's not June 21 yet but summer comes to Texas much earlier.  I think we've even hit 100 degrees once or twice.  The hot weather means Shaylin's outside play needs to be much earlier than before.  The poor girl is just as white as her momma & daddy! 

For the past 9 months or so Jeremy has been working a 2nd job.  The decision wasn't easy.  We weren't necessarily strapped for money.  But if we wanted to speed up the process of paying off debts & some other future plans this was the best way to do it.  But we've now gotten to the point where it's taken a toll on all of us.  Shaylin ends up only seeing her daddy on the weekends.  I could desperately use the help with Shaylin in the evening.  And Jeremy is just exhausted, both physically & emotionally.  So we have decided that he will quit the 2nd job at the end of this month.  We'll still be able to pay our regular bills & buy groceries.  Other things just have to change.  But we're kinda ok with that because we want our family to be together & as long as we're together we'll be happy.

I plan to start training for a marathon again.  However, should God allow something to come into our lives, then the running will stop.  I'm excited about the possibility of running the marathon again.  I'm still not quite as fast as I have wanted to be but I'm still faster than I was a year ago.  I should easily keep this one under 5 hours but I could possibly get it close to a 4:30 finish time, which would be incredible.  I just have to play it safe because I've struggled with shin splints here & there.

Shaylin continues to grow & is less of a baby everyday.  I need to start writing down all the words she can say so I can get a real count.  She's got quite a few teeth & is currently at 11 1/2.  Her eating habits are still pretty good.  We've discovered she likes peas & corn which is good since she doesn't like green beans anymore.  Bananas & peaches (from a fruit cup) are the only fruits she still eats.  I'm trying to get her to eat other fruits but so far we haven't had much success.  Most foods though she will eat, which makes meal planning much easier.

That's pretty much it for us.  Hopefully I can get into a better routine & get back to blogging because I really like doing it.

A small victor but a victory none the less!

Today I read this news article that a friend posted on Facebook.  Yes, I live in Texas but seeing how I rarely get to watch the news I hadn't heard about this yet.

I am so happy to hear about this law.  And of course there's a little pride in there that it was in Texas.  But mostly I'm very happy.

I have always felt that women should be required to have a sonogram before an abortion.  They may acknowledge that a baby could come in 9 months if they allow it.  But do they realize the development that this little baby has made by the time they go in for an abortion?

I don't hide the fact that I've suffered through 6 miscarriages.  Most happened very early, before we could have a sonogram.  But baby #3 held on the longest & we saw him/her at 6 1/2 weeks along.  It did look like a little blob but we also saw the heartbeat.  Then 3 days later we lost that baby.  It's because we saw that baby on the sonogram screen that that loss hurts us the most.  It gave us a connection to that baby.

Typically by the time a woman's period is due, they are considered 4 weeks pregnant.  But I highly doubt most women are taking a pregnancy test at exactly 4 weeks.  Those that do are usually the ones trying to get pregnant & don't want to wait & see if they're "late".  So it's probably not till they are a few days late that they take a test. 

Well, by 5 weeks the baby's heart has started to develop.  By the end of that same week, its tiny heart is beating & can be seen on a sonogram.

So I am going to assume that by the time a woman finds out she's pregnant, calls an abortion clinic & gets the procedure scheduled, that baby's heart is already beating & pumping blood.  So if this woman could actually see that tiny heart, would she still try to convince herself that it's just a bunch of tissue she's getting rid of? 

In the article the opposing argument is that this law will just make it more difficult for women to make the decision to go through it.  WELL, GOOD!!!  It's your child in there so it should be all the more difficult. 

What I would hope to also come from this is a stronger focus on adoption.  I'm sure some of these women would still not feel that they can have a baby for whatever reason it may be but are overcome with the reality of what's growing inside them.  That's where they need to be directed towards their options with adoptions.  Adoption doesn't mean they have to be completely out of their child's life.  There are many families out there wanting to adopt that are open to open adoptions. 

I'm sure plenty of controversy is going to come from this law.  Hopefully other states will follow though.

Hope

Today was a good day.  Today God allowed me to cross paths with someone who helped give me some hope & encouragement.

Yesterday a friend posted a picture on Facebook of a whole bunch of little girl's clothes that she was going to sell on Craigslist.  But she thought she'd try Facebook first.  I quickly jumped on it & planned to pick them up & pay her for them today at her work.  Her workplace (on Wednesdays) is a birthing center.  This is the same birthing center who's midwife referred us to my OB/GYN.  They actually use my doctor as their backup when needed.  So I was excited to finally get to meet her.

While there I chatted with another midwife.  I told her about Shaylin & our history of miscarriages, a total of 6.  She shared with me that she has actually had 8 miscarriages.  But she also has 6 children, including a set of twins.  She was diagnosed with a blood clotting disorder years ago which was the cause of her miscarriages. 

I really appreciated this sweet lady.  She even gave me her business card & told me to call her anytime if I ever have any questions or just need encouragement.  She encouraged me to not give up.  Despite all the heartache of so many losses, each of her precious babies was worth it. 

After having my 6th miscarriage, I really felt alone.  I mean, even my doctor admitted that he had never had a patient go through that many losses.  I knew plenty of people that had gone through one or two.  Even my mom had 4 miscarriage in the 8 year gap between my brother & sister.  But she found the cause of hers.  I didn't.  So at this time 2 years ago I felt alone & hopeless.  Even after having a healthy & normal pregnancy with Shaylin I know that the odds are still against me.  I will always be considered high-risk.

So to come across a woman who's actually had more miscarriages than me but has so many children, it gives me so much hope.  I needed to be reminded that God doesn't look at those odds.  He's the One in control.  We may or may not have a long road to adding to our family.  Either way God will give us the grace & strength we need to get through it.